not moving........for now

well i am at peace with my anxiety and such now i don't know weather my medication finally kicked in or came to my senses and figured out that i was running away from the problem or what but after long discussion with the hubby we decided not move . now i know for weeks i have been excited to move but then i was giving myself anxiety at the same time maybe i thought moving would give me a new life or would solve all my problems instead of facing them but it just caused me more stress and anxiety and you know what ? As soon as i decided not to move all the anxiety just lifted away and i felt better maybe i should listen to my thoughts more often . and now after we told the landlord we were not moving she want's to fix things now if i can just get my apartment reorganized  that will be another thing i also have been thinking i need to get help with my issues and not hide behind them maybe i can get out more , go for walks to make myself feel better in times of stress. I did a while back join this adult day progam for people with mental health issues called partnership place and i have started to feel better about things but odsp disability not giving me and hubby enough to live on is an issue we have a hard time making every day needs but transportation is a problem the bus being at $3.25 a ride makes it hard but i am working on getting transportation just i got the form filled out almost 3 months ago and i have a problem remembering to bring it in. my doctor unfourtently only put it for 3 months so i guess i will bring that one in and then get another filled out but still i feel like a dufus  not bring it in the first place

well i guess that all for now until next time

anxiety over finding an apartment

lately i have been having anxiety over looking for an apartment i have alot of issues about no moving but not being able to find one i only have 2 more weeks until the end of the month when my 60 days is up and i have to vacate this apartment but all i can find is basment apartments . To me basment apartments feel like one of these

yes a dungeon no light ( or very little) no natural light tiny windows being underground and having a feeling of no escape. I once lived in a basement apartment it was horrible which is why i have anxiety over basement apartments in the first place the one i lived in had very little storage ( being a semi hoarder this was no good for me) it also was very cold all year round like a freezer (very little heat coming out of the vent)  there was mildew and mold and it was way too small for my and hubby sometimes i felt i could never escape. After moving out of there i vowed never to live in a basement again i'm scared that i may have to now i have been trying to find a place but every time i try to get one i'm too late. Now the pressure is on to find a place i need a nice place where i will feel safe like this

hopefully okay i may be dreaming here but i do not want a dingy basement apartment like this

or this

because these type of basement apartments make me feel like i'm living here

okay i know basement apartments can't all be that bad i have seen some horrible ones and live in a horrible one but if i had to i want a nice one one that will feel like home make me feel safe not give me anxiety about it like this one

or this one

probley wont happen but i can't think like that i could find one like that but i just like the view from my place i wont have that in a basement makes me sad in a way 

all i can do is pray and let god guide the way !!!

until next time everyone